


pride & longing

by syllkies



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou are Bros, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, background sawamura/ sugawara, bokuto and kuroo are essentially comic relief but it's fine, first fanfic pls be nice, slight mention of kenma - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:33:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27778438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syllkies/pseuds/syllkies
Summary: Oikawa Tooru is a prideful man in every sense of the word, even when it comes to his inner emotional turmoil, which more often than not does more harm than good (not that he’d ever admit it).
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	pride & longing

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fanfic so please be nice ahahah :)))  
> also huge thanks to [noirshitsuji](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noirshitsuji/pseuds/noirshitsuji) for beta-reading and helping me edit (although she has no idea who these characters are)  
> hope you enjoy and im looking forward to your comments

The ball slammed with a hollow thud on the wooden floor. Daichi looked down to where it fell on the other side of the net and smiled slightly.

‘Not bad. It appears you still have it in you.”

“I didn’t play for two weeks, not two years, Oikawa.”

The aforementioned man chuckled in Sawamura’s direction and then directed his gaze towards the energy drinks, positioned on the wooden benches perpendicular to the net.

“And besides, with tosses like yours it’s hard to miss”

“You’re not wrong” admitted Oikawa already half-way down the energy drink in his hands “I know I’m good, Sawamura, you really don’t have to mention it.”

Daichi snorted, strutting to the other side of the net to pick up the ball and put it in the basket with the rest of them. Of course he was aware Oikawa knew he was good, but considering recent events he thought it would do no harm to remind him from time to time.

“I still don’t understand why you asked me to set for you, though. Is refreshing-kun too busy to give his own boyfriend attention?”

Sawamura was now sitting on one of the benches, tightly gripping an energy drink himself. He looked over to the setter, trying to decipher his expression, but to no avail. Even after getting to personally know him for almost two years he couldn’t read him and that bugged him slightly. Usually he was good with people, he knew when they were upset and needed help, and yet with Oikawa it was an entirely different story.

Oikawa Tooru was a prideful man, rarely ever showing true emotions, masking them with a cheerful exterior and a beaming smile. In hindsight, Sawamura should’ve known better than to try and act like Iwaizumu, trying to understand the setter in front of him, but he really couldn’t help it – curiosity eating him from the inside out.

“It’s true Sugawara is busy at the moment. But more than anything I wanted to catch up with you.” Sawamura decided that, rather than trying to blindly guess the meaning behind Oikawa’s body language, he could just pry information out of him with words, something he was actually good at.

“Did Iwa-chan ask you to do that?” Oikawa stared at the floor, intensely observing his shoes.

Sawamura almost sighed. He knew Oikawa wasn’t an idiot, but he thought the older man would at least give him a chance to get valuable information. After all the argument ( _read_ : fight) between the ace and captain of the team was having an affect everyone.

“No, he didn’t. I’m doing this on my own accord.” Sawamura looked over to Oikawa, who was still staring at his shoes as if the purpose of life was hidden in them “Your fight is affecting everyone, Tooru. As a captain you should know this better than anyone.”

The other man didn’t respond, instead opting to stare at the wall in front of him now rather than his worn out sneakers. He opened his mouth as if to reply to Sawamura, but before a sound could leave his mouth, two more people busted inside the gymnasium.

“I keep telling you it was an accident, and yet you still refuse to believe me!”

“You mean to tell me that you just so happened to ‘accidentally’ have sex in our room? In MY bed?”

The other man groaned too loudly for comfort and was about to retort when he noticed Sawamura and Oikawa looking at them with equal amounts curiosity and distress in their eyes.

“Well, well, if it isn’t our favourite captain and receiver!”

Oikawa and Sawamura shared a look, knowing better than to pry into the private matters of the two men coming straight to them, so rather than insisting on details they simply smiled.

“Bokuto, Kuroo, good to see you!” exclaimed Sawamura.

Bokuto dropped his duffel bag on the floor next to the benches and latched himself onto Sawamura.

“Daichi! I’ve missed you so much! Kuroo has become unbearable in the past two weeks!”

“Godspeed!” announced the aforementioned man, also dropping his bag and shooting his usual perverse-looking smile Tooru’s way “How’s it going captain? Any progress with gorilla-man or are you still refusing to look him in the eye?”

Suddenly everyone’s gaze was on the brown-haired leader of the volleyball team, who refused to look at any of them. He resumed his previous position, which was to stare at the wall in front of him. The gymnasium went quiet once again. It seemed like everyone had stopped breathing, waiting for an answer, which never came.

“I’m tired,” Oikawa finally mumbled, gathering his things and quietly exiting the space for practice, leaving his three teammates behind and dumb-founded.

Ω Ω Ω Ω Ω Ω

Some part deeply buried in Oikawa realized bottling up all of his emotions was not the right way to go about the problem at hand. And sometimes, while he was under the shower and the streaming hot water drowned out his cries and hid his tears, Oikawa himself realized it as well. However, for he is a prideful man, he’d never admit it and that is precisely why he lied – to the coach, to his teammates, to himself, and it worked so well.

Iwaizumi and he had banters on the daily and more often than not, the latter was to be blamed for them, this time included. However, what had transpired wasn’t one of their usual arguments, so much so that you couldn’t even call an argument, or a fight. It had been a statement and following it had come a silence so loud it was deafening.

Oikawa Tooru wansn’t an idiot – he was well aware what rejection looked like (he’d done it countless of times himself), so of course the most sensible thing at that moment had been to run away with complete disregard to the other person’s feelings. After all, you wouldn’t like for the person you love to see you cry (and Oikawa Tooru is an especially ugly crier).

That same night he sat on his bed, staring blankly outside the window of his college dorm room, not moving an inch, for he was frozen in the time lapse of his overbearing emotions that were threatening to spill should he step closer to the edge, closer to the limits of his mental fortitude. Nevertheless he did have a reputation to upkeep and consequently he couldn’t let people know he was anything but happy, so the next morning he took a long shower, clad in his best clothes he put his usual flirtatious smile on and exited his room without even once glancing at the door in front of his own.

Ω Ω Ω Ω Ω Ω

Three weeks in it was safe to say everyone was tired of, well, everything, really. In Kuroo’s humble opinion, “both Oikawa and Iwaizumi are full of shit” and by the end of their third consecutive Friday practice since the fight, the general consensus was that their captain and wing spiker were clearly not going to solve anything on their own, so the team decided to lend them a hand. Looking back on it, it should’ve been fairly obvious that their plan was set up to fail from the moment of its conception, but Kuroo and Bokuto’s “genius” knew no bounds and no one had the energy to change their minds either way.

Of course, their plan backfired almost immediately if Oikawa’s scowl and glossy eyes were anything to go by. Iwaizumi and he stayed alone in the changing rooms for a total of two minutes before the latter left the room, quickly disappearing into the dead of the night after he passed by the rest of the team who were waiting outside the gymnasium. The former made an appearance soon thereafter, looking infinitely angrier than when Bokuto had accidentally hit him in the back of the head during one of his serves. He glanced at Kuroo and his partner in crime before finally setting his disappointed gaze on Sawamura. Then the spiker left without another word.

Nothing changed significantly in the following days except for the fact one day Bokuto and Kuroo appeared in the gym each with a bruise on their arms. No one dared to ask where they had come from and the rest of the team let it slide, all except for one – the captain himself.

“Tetsu, Bo, where did those bruises come from?”

The two friends shared a nervous glance between each other, avoiding Oikawa’s scowl and then each looking in two different directions.

“It’s alright if you don’t want to talk about it in front of the others, but as your captain I feel a sense of responsibility,” Oikawa narrowed his gaze at them. They sighed in defiance and proceeded towards the courtyard, making a sign to Oikawa to follow them outside.

They appeared nervous, something rather unusual considering their normal boasts of confidence. Despite this, Oikawa didn’t lower his gaze. If anything their abnormal behavior made him feel even more on edge. He had a bad feeling about this.

“We’re not supposed to be telling you this,” started Kuroo while glancing around, as if waiting for someone to appear, “but iwaizumihitusbecausehewasmadwemadeyouuncomfrotable.”

Oikawa took in a surprised expression, his eyebrows furrowed and his lips closed in a thin line. He looked expectantly at Kuroo waiting for him to elaborate ( _read_ : translate) on what he’d said, but the man didn’t seem to be a big fan of that idea and neither did his owl-looking friend.

The captain sighed and waved at them to go back inside gym. He pinched his nose in concentration, Kuroo’s words looping on repeat in his head, but to no avail – he had no idea what his teammate had tried to say, except for one thing that seemed exceedingly suspicious - “we’re not supposed to be telling you this”. This threw Oikawa into a frenzy more than the fact he couldn’t hear the latter part of the sentence. Both Kuroo and Bokuto were ( _overwhelmingly_ ) open people, always saying what they had on their minds ( _within_ _limits_ , of course), so their hesitance in telling Oikawa how they got injured was just a big red flag in his eyes. However, as much as he wanted to stay outside and muse upon the peculiarity of the sudden news ( _statement?_ ), he heard the coach’s loud whistle and went back inside.

Ω Ω Ω Ω Ω Ω

“Communication is key” was the last thing Oikawa wanted to hear right now and yet the bullet was shot, and he now had a grinning, all-knowing Kuroo on the other side of the table, acting as if he had just discovered the purpose of life.

He loved the guy, really (love comes in all different shapes and sizes after all, believed Oikawa), but sometimes even love isn’t enough to prevent you from silently wishing to slam dunk someone into the floor, as was the case at the moment.

“As true as that is, it isn’t really advice, Kuroo,” remarked Sawamura ( _thank god for there being someone sane_ ), who was sat on Oikawa’s left side.

“Phursonary, I don’t see noshin’ wron’ wit what Kuroo said.”

“Bokuto, for the love of God, speak after you’ve finished chewing,” sighed Sugawara, who on the other hand, was on Daichi’s left side.

Oikawa chuckled lightly, suddenly distracted from the storm cloud that had been forming above his head for the past few weeks. He could count on his friends to keep the mood amusing and loving alright, letting him breathe properly for a moment.

And just when he thought he could have a fun lunch in good company, he was proven wrong.

“Iwaizumi! Come ‘ere to eat!”

You could practically hear Bokuto’s voice echo throughout the whole cafeteria and Oikawa silently cursed him when he saw Iwaizumi slowly moving towards their table and looking around, as if sizing up his options. In the end, he ended up sitting at their table at the only place available, which just so happened to be in front of Oikawa’s ( _oh, this is going to be great_ ).

The latter fidgeted around for a bit before deciding to give his undivided attention to whatever ridiculous story Kuroo had to share about Kenma this time, completely disregarding the fact that Iwaizumi was staring down holes ( _read_ : craters) in his face.

Forgetting for a moment there was someone in front of him, Oikawa mumbled something about how underwhelming the story was, so you could only imagine his surprise when he heard a reply.

“I agree as well. Usually his stories are far more entertaining than this.”

Oikawa met Iwaizumi’s eyes clearly taken aback. He opened his mouth but closed it a split second later. To say it was awkward was an understatement and if you tried you could most probably cut the tension with a knife.

Something inside Oikawa cracked at that moment. Maybe it was the realization that relationships are two-way streets and that if he wanted to salvage whatever he had left with Iwaizumi, it was going to take a lot of work on his side as well. Oikawa didn’t like that, for he was a prideful man and as it seems, it is always easier to blame someone else for your own shortcomings, except for when it isn’t.

Ω Ω Ω Ω Ω Ω

It was starting to get ridiculous, even by his own standards, but his desire to keep his emotions in check couldn’t very well let him go and talk ( _freely_ ) about his problems (especially with the person who caused them in the first place; although a couple of years down the line Iwaizumi would still insist everything was more Oikawa’s fault than his, it wasn’t like the latter would ever admit it, for, as we all know, he is a prideful man). He knew that wasn’t the correct approach at all, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to think of another way to fix this (whatever ‘ _this’_ was, because at that point the distance between them was so large even Oikawa couldn’t comprehend it anymore).

During the weeks away from Hajime and the one that followed the lunch ‘incident’ he found himself in what seemed to be an alternative reality – that’s how weird it was to not have Iwaizumi by his side every day, nagging him to stop overworking himself to the point of exhaustion, to eat his vegetables (‘ _Iwa-chan, are you my mom?_ ’), getting irritated at his annoying antics (including but not limited to: flirting with his fangirls in broad daylight in the middle of a particularly busy corridor; that one time he refused to wear a maroon shirt because it reminded him of Ushijima, and _god forbid_ he wore the same colour as Ushijima; making a serve especially hard to receive just to put their underclassmen on the other side of the net in their place).

Oikawa also unabashedly believed that was the worst period of his life (even worse than when his high school team lost to long-time rival Shiratorizawa and couldn’t go to nationals) and that it really couldn’t get any worse.

Until it did.

He stared at Iwaizumi like deer in headlights, or at least he assumed that’s what he looked like, the latter’s words ringing in his ears like the bells of a church at noon (Oikawa had never visited a place with churches, but going off of movies, he mused this is what it must feel like).

“Oikawa?” Iwaizumi waved his hand in front of his face, clearly expecting an answer, which Oikawa didn’t seem to have it in him to give. Instead, he just went back a step and focused his eyes on the grass by the gymnasium’s doors rather than the man in front of him. _This isn’t happening._

“Alright, you don’t want to talk, but I do. So, even if you’re not going to respond, at least listen to what I have to say, okay?” Oikawa found only enough will to slightly nod his head and follow Iwaizumi to a few benches some meters away from the gymnasium, to avoid prying ears and eyes, probably.

The spring breeze was unnaturally warm and Oikawa felt like he was being suffocated, although he could also blame the non-existent space between him and Iwaizumi for that.

For a long period of time no one spoke - it felt like centuries, when in reality it was mere seconds. It appeared as if Iwaizumi also didn’t know where to begin despite the fact he was the one who initiated the conversation in the first place. Oikawa found some solace in that, in the fact that he wasn’t the only one confused about the current state of their relationship.

He himself couldn’t form coherent thoughts, and even if he could, he didn’t know if he could even find the courage to express them.

“Why did you run away?”

Silence once again, albeit not as bad as the first time around. Oikawa waited a few seconds to gather his composure (he didn’t think Iwaizumi would immediately begin with the questions), but before he could even think of a sensible response, the man next to him continued.

“You’re so impatient. You think for a second that something isn’t going your way and you immediately dip and ignore the people around you. Although I guess I shouldn’t be all that surprised, you’ve always been like this.”

Oikawa felt like throwing up – his heart was in his feet and tears were threatening to spill over. He couldn’t look at Iwaizumi, although he could feel his intense gaze on himself.

“You’re so impatient that you couldn’t wait even for me?”

Oikawa felt guilt gripping him tightly around his shoulders, drowning him in an affectionless hug. He could sense Iwaizumi’s disappointment from the way he spoke and from this angle could see the way the latter was holding tightly onto the edge of the bench, knuckles gone white.

He managed to choke out a breathless ‘ _sorry’_ and then promptly proceeded to ignore the way his insides twisted with each second that passed. Oikawa looked over at the gym’s doors. They had to start practice soon, he thought, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to care even slightly, or at least not when Iwaizumi was like this at his side.

“’Sorry’ won’t cut it, Oikawa, and you know it,” at that point Oikawa couldn’t tell whether Iwazimu was disappointed or plain angry with him, “You confess to me and then leave me standing alone, without even giving me a chance to explain myself?”

Or maybe Oikawa himself was feeling both of these emotions at once.

Even in this situation his thought process was flawed, Oikawa realized, but overwhelmed with emotion and the feeling to punch something, he didn’t seem to care. Before he could completely arrange his thoughts, he was already on his feet, this time his intense gaze on Iwaizumi.

“You’re really about to put all the blame on me, Iwa-chan?” frankly, he wasn’t thinking completely straight, but he’d worry about regrets later, because he couldn’t simply let Iwaizumi step all over his feelings before giving him a piece of his mind first.

“I waited and you didn’t respond, so of course I was going to leave! I know what rejection looks like and it was written all over your face, loud and clear!”

Oikawa braced himself for the emotional punch Iwaizumi was most probably preparing. Instead, he heard the man in front of him laugh, hearty and weightless.

“How could you possibly know what rejection looks like when you’ve never been on the receiving end of it? And losing against Ushijima and Karasuno doesn’t count.”

Oikawa was dumb-founded, to say the least. He hadn’t realized he was holding his hands in tight fists until after he let them fall freely on his sides. He was curiously eyeing Iwaizumi ( _did he really just laugh?_ ). Oikawa didn’t know whether to be upset at the fact the love of his life took his outburst as a joke, or to feel glad he didn’t get a cut that was deeper than its predecessor. But before he could even question Iwaizumi’s behavior, two familiar faces strutted over to them.

Bokuto and Kuroo truly had a knack for finding the perfect timing to appear. 

“Just so you know, we’re starting in five, so whatever it is you’re doing, you might wanna wrap it up,” Kuroo’s voice sounded amused, even more so than usual, as if he was in on a joke all on his own.

“Yeah, don’t worry about us, head back,” replied Iwaizumi casually without even glancing at Oikawa, who was still staring in disbelief “Also, how are your arms?”

Bokuto glanced at Oikawa, who was even more confused than before, and then turned his attention back to Iwaizumi “All’s good, but please, next time you’re trying to protect your boyfriend’s honor or whatever, take it out on a tree, not on our arms. We kind of need ‘em” and with that Kuroo and Bokuto headed back to the gym, and Oikawa was left even more confused than before ( _what the hell does Iwaizumi have to do with their arms?_ ).

And then it clicked.

“What’s the meaning of this?” Oikawa sounded surprisingly calm to his own ears; taking into account he was still a mess on the inside and couldn’t bear to focus on Iwaizumi’s face for more than a second.

“I suspect that you’ve already guessed, Tooru,” When Iwaizumi was met with silence, he continued; “I knew you would be upset after the incident with the changing rooms, but I couldn’t go to you because you were still supposedly mad at me, so I opted for the next best thing”

“And that was to commit violence on your fellow teammates?” Oikawa completely ignored the feeling of giddiness bubbling inside his stomach.

Iwaizumi simply shrugged and suddenly all stress lifted from his shoulders. He looked so tranquil and content – his shoulders were slumped backwards and he was using his hands as a stand. That way he was looking directly at Oikawa and the brown-haired man felt as if he was the focus of Iwaizumi’s entire being.

Oikawa, on the other hand, was a mess. He felt emotionally drained and as if he had five years taken away from his lifespan. One moment he was burying himself deep into sadness and the next he was on his feet ready to protect his broken ego, but that was Iwaizumi’s effect on him, he mused. His emotions were swirling around like a whirlpool and once again he found himself at the mercy of another. He hated that.

“It’s been awhile, but I wanted to ask,” for the second time tonight Iwaizumi seemed hesitant with his words, almost like a little child that had done something wrong and had to tell their parents about it. “Does the confession still stand?”

Silence, but this time filled with something other than despair. Oikawa Tooru wasn’t an idiot – he knew what a fool in love looks like. After all he’d been looking at one in the mirror for _years_ now, and silently berated himself for not noticing it before, way too engulfed in his own emotions.

He glanced away from the man perched on the bench in front of him and looked towards the gym, and then heard a loud whistle.

“Five minutes are up, Iwa-chan, let’s go,” he said smiling as he turned his gaze back to his first ( _and only_ ) love.

Ω Ω Ω Ω Ω Ω

In hindsight, it should’ve been obvious they were going to end up like this and yet both Bokuto and Kuroo couldn’t help but outwardly (and _very_ loudly) voice their discontent with the current situation.

“You should start shouting warnings before you go all pda in the middle of the corridor!”

“And the gym!”

“And the changing rooms!”

“And the bars and restaurants we go to!”

“Would you like me to put up a sign on the door of my room, as well?”

“Honestly, Oikawa,” sighed Kuroo, “if it means I’ll never get to see Iwaizumi’s bare ass again – then yes”

This caused laughter to erupt from where the small group was sitting down – a library, because they had to study (or at least feign such an action). Unfortunately, they were then asked to leave for being “too loud and explicit” ( _ridiculous,_ in Bokuto’s not so humble opinion) but the library was closing in a bit anyway.

They returned to their dormitories and separated with quiet ‘goodnight’s’, each in a different direction, except for two.

“Do you really think the pda is that excessive?” randomly asked Oikawa while entering his room, followed by a tired Iwaizumi who immediately crashed on the single bed.

“I’ve been waiting too long to do it to give a single flying fuck about Bokuto and Kuroo’s personal distate for it.”

Oikawa chuckled and left the room to go to the bathroom. When he returned, Iwaizumi was already sound asleep, still clad in his everyday clothes. Oikawa stared at him for a few moments before going to turn off the lights and snuggling close to the warm body on his bed, content and happy.

As it should be.

**Author's Note:**

> in case you're curious - the one who had sex in the other's bed is kuroo ;)


End file.
